Posted 1 week ago / 729 notes / Via: hiccup-the-seasick-viking

toothless-:

Hiccup and Astrid + kissing

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Posted 1 week ago / 20,173 notes / Via: specsthenewsie

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via kushandwizdom)

More good vibes here

(via words-of-emotion)

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

Posted 3 weeks ago / 289,146 notes / Via: thisisjustbecause
Rachel C. Lewis, Tell The People You Love That You Love Them (via upoverthefields)
Reblog if you are insecure about anything below:
Posted 4 weeks ago / 31,337 notes / Via: smsaysg-o

smsaysg-o:

5sos-attacked:

-weight

-appearance

-intelligence (or lack of) 

-skills (or lack of) 

-weird hobbies

-friends (or lack of) 

-body

-personality

-family


Who ever reblogs this will get a message in their inbox.

All of the above

Posted 4 weeks ago / 625,211 notes / Via: give-my-regards-to-broadway

haltdieklappeundkommher:

p-ahle:



This was written by a little 6 year old girl. I babysit her and her two sisters - Rebecca and Mia, and before they go to bed they all sit down and write little prayers to God.
This was the one that Hollie wrote last time, and it absolutely broke my heart. I mean, she’s six years old and she thinks she’s not beautiful. That’s not right. But she is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. She’s got golden blonde hair, bright green eyes and a smile so beautiful that you melt a little inside when you see it.
When their mum got home, I showed her Hollie’s prayer, and she was devestated. She’s a nurse so she’s seen a lot of horrible things, but I have never seen her like that. And so I had to do something.
If you’re reading this, and if you have the slightest bit of a heart, please reblog this, so that I can prove to Hollie that she is beautiful, and that she is so special, and that God made her exactly the way she is because He knows that He made her perfect. Please give this beautiful little girl the confidence she deserves.

this made me cry. i don’t really care that i’m a strict 1d blog. everyone needs to reblog.

this picture broke my heart. everybody should have this at least once on their blog

I think this breaks the heart of everyone

haltdieklappeundkommher:

p-ahle:

This was written by a little 6 year old girl. I babysit her and her two sisters - Rebecca and Mia, and before they go to bed they all sit down and write little prayers to God.

This was the one that Hollie wrote last time, and it absolutely broke my heart. I mean, she’s six years old and she thinks she’s not beautiful. That’s not right. But she is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. She’s got golden blonde hair, bright green eyes and a smile so beautiful that you melt a little inside when you see it.

When their mum got home, I showed her Hollie’s prayer, and she was devestated. She’s a nurse so she’s seen a lot of horrible things, but I have never seen her like that. And so I had to do something.

If you’re reading this, and if you have the slightest bit of a heart, please reblog this, so that I can prove to Hollie that she is beautiful, and that she is so special, and that God made her exactly the way she is because He knows that He made her perfect. Please give this beautiful little girl the confidence she deserves.

this made me cry. i don’t really care that i’m a strict 1d blog. everyone needs to reblog.

this picture broke my heart. everybody should have this at least once on their blog

I think this breaks the heart of everyone

Prompt List - Journey
Posted 1 month ago / 28 notes / Via: genderqueerfenris

wandering-lanterns:

1. Fear

2. Compromise

3. Tomorrow

4. Breath

5. Hero

6. Wrong

7. Prayers

Posted 1 month ago / 735,998 notes / Via: iwanttogetdrunkwithsjb

miss-mixi:

If you played with Barbies,

image

image

Polly Pockets,

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Beanie Babies,

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Tamagotchi,

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Slip N’ Slide,

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And Furbies,

image

Listened to the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, NSync and the Spice Girls

imageimage

image

image

On Hit Clips, a Boom Box, or a Walkman,

image

Collected and traded Pokemon cards,

image

Wrote with Gel Pens,

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Wore butterfly clips,

imageimage

And Snap Bracelets,

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And remember watching these guys:

image

reblog

(Source: dappledthings21)

Posted 1 month ago / 327 notes / Via: elphabafanzel1127

if-can-be-a-miracle:

make me choose: Alli Mauzey’s Glinda or Katie Rose Clarke’s Glinda?

Glinda is a person who undergoes so much change, and in my view of her, she comes from a place where she has to appear perfect and be perfect and be the center of attention. There’s a pressure on Glinda to be a certain way, and as she grows up and we track her journey throughout the show, she sees that there are certain parts of life and of the world that aren’t perfect that shape her into becoming the woman that she is by the end of the show.

Katie Rose Clarke’s Glinda is such beautiful thing.

Posted 3 months ago / 172,139 notes / Via: buttersmd

rikkisixx:

keylimepie:

wickedrandom:

Bra Fitting 101. This changed my life

Ladies of Tumblr, do yourself a huge favor and watch this video. Your lives will change for the better.

i wore a B cup forever and was in a stripclub one night and got scolded by the dancers who said honey no you are a D. 

went to lane bryant, got measured like the beginning of this video and was told I was DD almost DDD. 

so now I wonder what I *ACTUALLY* am. 

Posted 4 months ago / 5,212 notes / Via: fitness-as-a-way-of-life

bulletsandbarbells:

Weights yo. Weights.

bulletsandbarbells:

Weights yo. Weights.

excuse me, there is no pretense here justkeepbuggering-onsecondary blog.

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